At the beginning of last year, i weighed 123lbs until i met my ex-boyfriend. he moved in with me and we began smoking pot and drinking heavily. due to the substance abuse, i became very unstable, so when he informed me that he’d love it if i lost a bit of weight, especially around my thighs, i wasn’t in a position to be practical about his observations. the comments got worse. he’d compare me to other girls and give me impossible “goals” and had ridiculous expectations. I’m sixteen, 5’4 and weigh 103lbs at the moment. i know i’m underweight. i under eat and over exercise for weeks, then binge and often use laxatives but never purge simply because i can’t stand vomiting. I know that i have lost weight, because the scales don’t lie, but every time i look in the mirror, i still see a fat girl, a girl who

just isn’t good enough, a girl with fat thighs and what’s worse is that i can FEEL the fat. i often stay up for days unable to get it off my mind, squeezing my fat and thinking about how absolutely disgusting it is. i know its there but i don’t understand why everyone is telling me that i’m too skinny. my mum keeps threatening to put me into hospital or an eating disorders clinic. I feel like i’m anorexic or skinny but i can see the dullness in my skin, the gauntness of my face and my hairs never been this thin. but why do i still see a fat girl when i look in the mirror? Is there something wrong with me? am i actually as bad as my mum seems to think or is this all in my head?

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[Forum] Underweight, But Still Feeling "Fat"