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My Spirit is Bright

admin — Fri, 20 Jan 2012 16:46:28 +0000

That sounds like the lyrics to a church hymn, but you know what I’m finding out? When I’m listening and engaging my higher self, the world seems brighter and everything is more clear. Food is not fear, it is love and so much more enjoyable when I’m not eating it in excess. I’ve been cooking and baking up a storm, which is obvious from the looks of my kitchen, and I truly love it more than I ever have. And not only that, but I’m excited about life in a way that I never have been. I drank the kool-aid guys. When I listen and follow what I need and want in my life, I wake up clear and excited for the day. It feels like opening the windows on the first day of spring. Is anyone else experiencing this after reading Brain Over Binge ? I’d love to hear about it. Lately, I have the energy to do make things happen. Things that I normally get so overwhelmed with and just put on the back burner. One of my dreams has been to create and maintain a creative living blog, so I’ve been polishing off my Beautiful Layers blog these past couple of days. It’s hard to believe I’ve had that domain for seven years, and this one for six. What the what? Other stuff that’s happening? I’m seriously thinking about returning to University to finish my degree in fine arts/ graphic design. After watching my bff Jas graduate with honors, I was seriously encouraged and inspired to finish my degree. I feel like I am in a different place now than I was when I first when to college. I also feel like I’m more capable of learning and studying new information without the whole rebellious streak. We’ll see. Today I’m getting back into exercising after taking a week off due to a wonky back, which is now on the mend.

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My Spirit is Bright

Brain Over Binge: Part 1

admin — Sat, 14 Jan 2012 17:23:33 +0000

I never thought, in a million years, that words from any book would ever help me to stop overeating or binge eating for good. I wanted to believe they would and it never stopped me from buying them. I read many thousands of words telling me that I was an emotional eater, a stress eater, an addict, disordered and diseased. I read many more thousands of words telling me that I had deep seated issues and until I resolved them I would never stop eating too much. And I read even more thousands of words telling me to cut out flour, sugar, salt, potatoes, honey, red meat, beans, to count calories, to cut carbs, to calculate points, or to cut the fat. I was told moderation and lifestyle change more times than I care to say. Two words that I never truly got . And then Beth came along and left this comment: Hello! First time commenter! I’m not sure if anyone has suggested this book, or if you have read it. Brain over Binge by Kathryn Hansen. I’ve been a binge eater most of my adult life, and after reading this book, I stopped. I’m not sure how or why, but I did. Dieting and restricting causes bingeing, that I know. Take care & good luck to you in the new year! I was intrigued and went over to Amazon to read the reviews. Within five minutes I was already into the first chapter on my Kindle. I couldn’t wait to buy the book, the reviews peeked my interest and I was ready to dive in. The words used to describe the book mention bulimia, which I do not relate to in any sort of way. So I want to say first, that if you have struggled with any form of eating to the excess, please consider reading this book. Whatever you call it, overeating, binge eating, bulimia, etc., if you suffer for the urge to eat beyond being full, if you’ve had moments of autopilot eating, if yeou’ve eaten on numerous occasions to the point of being uncomfortably or painfully full, if you have moments of being able to consume large amounts of food- this book is for you. Every journey is personal and individual, binge eating is not black and white. As I read Kathryn’s words, a women who has never been obese or even overweight I can honestly say I’ve never eaten to the excess that she describes in Brain Over Binge . I’ve also never exercised for hours on end to burn the calories I’ve consumed. This is her form of purging and why she calls herself bulimic. But I am obese, and it’s not because of moderate or “normal” eating. It never has been. I’ve been thinking about my weight since I was eight years old and dieting for so long that I’ve never really known what normal eating looks or feels like. I’ve never known what it wa I’ve had glimmers of hope, mainly with intuitive eating, but my urges to eat more always took over. I’ve been saying tomorrow I’ll be better for so long, it’s become my default response when things became too much. Since reading Brain Over Binge , I’ve debated how I’d approach presenting this information on my blog. And after much debate I decided that I could only best explain how I’ve changed as a result. The book is too in depth and I fear I would do Kathryn and her research much disservice to explain it in any other way. You can read more about her and purchase the book on her website here: Brain Over Binge . I would love to discuss this book more in depth with those that have read the book or plan to read the book and would like to open my comments up for that. I was in no way compensated for my opinion. I’ve linked directly to Kathryn’s site, not Amazon, for those interested in purchasing it. Thursday morning after reading the first few pages of Brain Over Binge I decided that I wanted to eat a biscuit while reading the book. I rarely eat fast food biscuits, but this morning all I wanted to do was eat while reading a book about eating. I can’t make this stuff up. Normally, a day that starts with a 900 calories biscuit meal doesn’t end well. Because I wasn’t “perfect” at breakfast I would normally use that as an excuse to eat what I wanted for the rest of the day and start over tomorrow. But something changed in those next three hours. I learned that I am not all of the horrible things I always believed I was because of my binge eating. I learned that I am not an emotional eater or addicted to sugar like I always thought. I learned that when I changed my career, hair, or bought something new, I was trying to change my life. I was trying to fulfill and fill ever corner of my life with events and stuff in a desperate attempt to recover. I believed that somehow, changing any part of my life would make me complete so that I could stop overeating once and for all. I’ve searched in vain for over ten years for ways to make me whole. To fix me. To dull the desire to keep eating. I believed that I just hadn’t found the right program to tell me how to be better. The right experience, job, relationship, or outfit. I believed that I had to turn my life upside down to make real changes. That I’d have to give up ever food that I ever binged to be better, to stop slowly killing myself and to gain control once and for all. On some level, I already knew all of this, I just couldn’t believe it was that easy. After those three hours of reading I said to Josh “I finally get it”. And then I started to sob, mostly because I felt like three thousand pounds had been lifted from my shoulders. All I could say was “There’s nothing wrong with me! Why didn’t anyone ever tell me?! I’m not crazy, lazy, stupid, diseased or suffering.”. And Thursday, for the first time in my life I learned how to almost effortlessly calm myself and take control. In just a few hours my day had turned around. It wasn’t perfect, I hadn’t solved my life’s problems- I just ate and moved on and I felt normal. Instead of stuffing or fighting my urges to eat, I just sat with them and reminded myself that those thoughts are not me. I am not every thought or urge that I have. Friday I played with fire. I made cookies. I ate two and put the rest away. And these weren’t just any cookie, I declared them my favorite cookie. They were amazing. I made a lovely dinner or salad and lentil soup. Nourishing and healthful food that I truly craved and then had two cookies and moved on. Even as I type this, there are a bowl of cookies on the counter and that all too familiar voice to eat all of them and start over tomorrow, is dull. It’s almost nonexistent. And for that, I am grateful. I realize that this post is full of hyperbole, as is my fashion when I get excited about something, but I can honestly say to you that I will never binge again. I will never hide or sneak food. Eat in the car or give myself the promises of tomorrow. And as they say, the proof is in the pudding, I so look forward to sharing this journey with you.

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Brain Over Binge: Part 1

More or Less

admin — Sat, 31 Dec 2011 15:23:18 +0000

I hope you all had a lovely holiday and are gearing up for a new year tomorrow. I had a very spoiled Christmas, filled to the brim with good food, good company and more gifts than I deserved. I’m ready for 2012, are you? It seems there are two sets of people on new years, those that diligently create resolutions and goals, and those that are violently against it. I’m a resolution person, but if you’ve been reading any amount of time, you already knew that. Mostly, I just think it’s fun to create a spread sheet of what I want more of and what I want less of. Right off the top of my head, I want more contentment in the small things in my life. This past year, I was not content with contentment. I spent the year worrying that if I wasn’t piling on the projects and giving light to all of my ideas that I wasn’t moving forward. I was eager to skip steps and make things happen unnaturally for the sake of making something, anything, happen. That was a huge lesson. I believe my health suffered because of this. Most notably that I’ve had a cold and now getting over a stomach virus in just two weeks. As I sit here in my safe and quiet house, I realize how important this stability is to me. What I do is wonderful, I love passion, but I love knowing that I’m doing all that I can to maintain a happy home life for myself and my husband. That I’m doing what I can to keep myself healthy. And in this I find myself retreating, a lot. This year, I see myself saying no and passing on projects. I see myself riding the waves as they come. Taking the long road to my goals, rather than the “Let’s make this happen now!” insanity that I put myself through last year. I see myself going with the flow and trusting that I can grow and move forward just while, and especially so, taking care of my home, health and happiness. This year, I will be narrowing my projects down to one. business. which is my design/art/creative business. And working on my blogs. Other than that, I will be cooking more and eating more vegetables, and taking time to dance and have fun and most importantly, to just be. I want more fresh fruit and vegetable juices. I believe in juicing and how good it makes me feel. I want to complain and worry less. I want more exercise. I want to take the long road and be okay with the journey. I want to stop worrying, finally, about what other people think. I want more sewing, painting and illustrating. I want less social media. I want more cooking. I want less driving. I want to make realistic and attainable goals. Happy New Year!

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More or Less

Finding My Groove

admin — Tue, 13 Dec 2011 15:35:53 +0000

Today marks week four, day two of consistent exercise with Insanity . That is, 6.5 workouts, most of them are 40 minutes long. And I’m reminding myself that I’ve been here before. In the spring, I made it 14 weeks. I was seeing improvement and then it stopped. I don’t remember why exactly (something to go back and read) but I’m telling myself that this doesn’t stop when the calendar fills up or when 60 days are over. If I’m being honest, it will take a full year of consistent exercise for me to really be in a better place physically. Probably two. And then for the rest of my life. In the past three weeks, my food intake has been hit or miss. I’ve been experimenting with different calorie counts, and I think I’ve found one that will work for me. On myfitnesspal (lorriebee) you work with net calories. This means if your net calorie goal is 1,400 and you burn 500 calories, you can eat 1,900 calories in a day. I think this is a great tool, but for some reason I’ve been struggling with the notion of eating all of my burned calories. Myfitnesspal gives you an estimated calories burned, but I’m not convinced it’s accurate. I think I’m burning 400-600 calories during Insanity. But when I log it in, it’s usually more. And then I’d see this insane amount of food I could still eat. And for some reason that triggered me to eat beyond hunger. So to calm my tender brain I’ve decided, which some research and calculating, that I will consume 1,600 calories a day regardless of how much I burn during exercise. Of course there will be some ups and downs with that number, but I feel good with that. I’m burning about 400 calories, six days a week, so that is a net of about 1,100-1,300 calories which is totally in the weight loss zone for me. I also feel like 1,600 calories is a very reasonable amount of food for me. I can wrap my head around it and not be obsessive. I can move the numbers around easily to accommodate my day. It feels flexible to me. If I know I’m going out to dinner or to an event in the evening. I can still have a 200 calorie breakfast and 400 calorie lunch with 1,000 calories to work with in the evening. Or if I’m in the mood for a bigger, 500-600 calorie breakfast/brunch sort of thing. I can make that happen too. It goes with my new mantra “I can have what I want, but I can’t have everything I want” which simply means that yes, if I want to go out to dinner with my husband, I can do that. But, it doesn’t mean I need to go out to eat twice in a day and then snack all day and have dessert after every meal. I just don’t need that much food. Yesterday was my first day trying out my new set calorie count and it went so well. I even showed a two pound loss on the scale this morning from it. I woke up and had a serving of mexican chili for breakfast, and again for lunch. I measured it and estimated the calories. I hate two teas with milk and sugar. A small treat. And dinner was teriyaki chicken. I didn’t feel obsessive about anything and when I hit the 1,600 calorie mark I felt comfortable and done for the day. I know this probably sounds like the ramblings of a man-woman, but I needed to share. Mainly to work through these fears I have of sharing and acting. I’m trying to change my inner dialogue and making this a positive journey. Not one of self defeating agony. Last night I was in that bed staring at my clothes hanging in the closet and I visualized what it would be like to fit in all of them, effortlessly. And then I visualized them being too big. I imagined that the sweaters looked like deflated balloons where my arms used to go. I realized in that moment that I can make all of these things happen, there is nothing stopping me.

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Finding My Groove

Resound11 Prompt 12: 12 in 12

admin — Tue, 13 Dec 2011 04:12:06 +0000

Take today to talk about 12 things you would like to accomplish in 2012. These 12 things can be 12 resolutions, 12 changes in your life, 12 wines you’d like to drink, 12 cities you’d like to visit, or 12 monthly goals. The decision is yours. Good luck and have fun! How will you resound? 1) I want to stop living in the future. This doesn’t mean I won’t plan or set goals, it means that I will stop thinking about everything as a future activity with no date in sight for completion. Often times, I get paralyzed by things that aren’t happening and tasks that are set for unnamed dates in the future. I want to push myself to be in the moment of my actions. To immerse myself into activities 100%. When I’m exercising, I want to be there. I want to give everything. I don’t want to be in my head planning out tomorrow or who I need to email or designs I need to finish. I want to give every bit of myself to that moment. I want to stop thinking about 170lbs in the future. Or the days when I will be different. Or projects that I plan to get to eventually. When I’m working on a project, I want to be there with it, pushing my work, and acting as if that work is the most important one I will do. 2) I want to learn to make croissants. And then I want to put chocolate in them. 3) I want to leave obesity in my 20′s. 4) I want to read fewer tweets and status updates and more books. I want to judge people less by what they say on social media sites. 5) I want to start saving for Paris. (followed by #7, of course) And learn to speak French. 6) I want to pay off my debts and buy a new car. 7) I want to waste less. Less garbage and plastic bags. 8. I want a better garden. 9) I want to appreciate and celebrate my life and those around me. 10) I want to write, a lot. 11) I want to narrow down my projects and businesses. In 2012 all my projects will be under one roof. I will have one etsy store, one way to find my work, and one business name for my design. 12) I want to be okay with saying no and I want to do it more often. I want to stand up for myself and my time.

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Resound11 Prompt 12: 12 in 12

Resound11 Prompt 05: Theme Song

admin — Thu, 08 Dec 2011 20:25:48 +0000

If your life was a television show, what would its theme song be? What music would be cued at the start of the show or when you entered a scene? Think about this past year. Is there a song that you’ve heard that has really struck a chord, one that has spoken to you? Maybe there’s a song that goes along with your one word for 2011. Maybe there is a song that you’ve heard that instantly cheers you up or makes you think of a special moment that happened this year? If you can find a link to a video or snippet of the song or the lyrics, please share it and explain why this song is your theme song and how it relates to your 2011. How will you resound? Follow along here.

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Resound11 Prompt 05: Theme Song

Resound11 Prompt 04: Superpower

admin — Thu, 08 Dec 2011 20:20:28 +0000

Faster than a speeding bullet. More powerful than a locomotive. Able to leap tall buildings in a single bound … we know you’ve got one. What’s your 2011 superpower? For those of you going what the what … stop. Think about it for a moment: what have you learned that you can do better than anyone you know this year? What can you do that no one else can? Don’t be shy!How will you resound? Follow along here. This one is difficult for me. I have a hard time seeing my strengths, but this year saying yes was my superpower. I said yes to my big ideas, to failure, to trying new things, to traveling when it made me nervous, to giving new friendships a chance, to new projects and businesses, hard exercise and sweat, to getting up again, to embarrassing myself and exposing parts of myself. I said yes to a lot of equally bad and good ideas.

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Resound11 Prompt 04: Superpower

Spicy Honey Chicken

admin — Fri, 18 Nov 2011 19:03:35 +0000

We’re high-tailing it back to West Virginia this morning for our first Thanksgiving of the season. It’s like pulling teeth to get anyone in my family to let me cook, but I’ve got a few recipes I’m itching to try out. What are you making? Any new twists on traditional recipes? This isn’t a traditional Thanksgiving recipe, but after making it last week, I’m starting to think it should be. I see this on a cozy winter evening, when you want something hearty, savory and a little sweet. I followed this recipe almost exactly from The Girl Who Ate Everything . The only exception was the vinegar, I used pear infused balsamic. Not because I’m trying to make this recipe gourmet , but because I used all of my regular vinegar to pickle my silver. Please make this one, it’s kind of amazing. And then tell me about it, so that I can live vicariously until I make it again. I took this photo with my giant natural light bulbs around 8pm. Those bulbs are the best! I found these organic, boneless, skinless chicken thighs on sale. I never thought I’d be a thigh-woman, seeing as how I’ve always gone for the breasts, but these thighs are tender and juicy! Take that for what you will. Roll your chicken in the dry rub. To me, a dry rub is significant. It says that you’re about to make something delicious and you’re taking it very seriously. Spray a little garlic infused olive oil on your griddle. Sadly, I’m all out of infused oils. I love infused oils. This is a hint to my husband. (note: olive oil burns at a high heat. I recommend a canola or vegetable oil to prevent excess smoke.) Do you have a cast iron griddle ? It’s the best thing ever. Grilled food year round! I’m forever in debt to the fine folks who gave this to us just for getting married. And to let you know how much I love this thing, I’ve used it on our glass-top stove for over a year now without any problems. I took the risk for you and will never look back. If you add it to your holiday wish-list, I guarantee it will be the best, most used gift you get. I love hyperbole! Let the chicken cook on one side for 4-5 minutes before turning. I did us all a favor and deleted the photos of half-cooked chicken. Look at those grill marks! Brush your chicken with the honey and vinegar mixture right before the chicken is done. Don’t forget to reserve about 2 T of the honey for later. This is the vinegar that I used. I picked this up only because it said “Made in Italy” which like the dry rub, says to the world, I take my cooking seriously. I like to make a lot of assumptions about what makes me look like a serious cook. Now it’s time to pour on the honey glaze. I worked hard to get this food porn shot. Whoever you serve this to will forever love you. And then you can start singing The Wind Beneath My Wings, ” It must have been cold there in my shadow “. That’s how this chicken will change your life.

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Spicy Honey Chicken

Minus 50 to 29

admin — Tue, 15 Nov 2011 17:34:37 +0000

This post has been a few weeks coming, I’ve been nailing down exactly what I want to say and my plan. It’s been awhile since I’ve made any concrete weight loss goals on this blog, and I’m ready to make it happen. I want to lose 50 pounds for my 29th birthday on March 14th. That’s exactly four months, 16 weeks, and 111 days. 50 pounds for me, at my weight is totally reasonable, and of course, if I lose 40, that is reason to celebrate, but 50 is what I’m aiming for. I’ve shied away from making weight loss goals public, because there is a little part of me that worries that people will think I’m setting myself up for failure and give me advice to just have other smaller or slower goals. To be reasonable with myself. I want to get into it and make it happen. And not just in a way that will only work short term. While I was visiting Dole, I had the opportunitiy to stop over at the California Health and Longevity Institute which was incredible. If I ever have a spare few thousand, I’m high tailing it to California for a thorough health assessment. During my time there, I was given an hour-long healthy life consultation with a nice lady named Claudia. Before I even sat down she had read my blog and had printed out notes for me. She was ready. I told her that I struggle with consistency in my life, in all ways. I get really excited and then I drop everything. The tool that she gave me to keep going, was so simple, yet powerful. She told me that when I have the strong desire to drop everything and flee, to ask myself how much can I do? For example, can I exercise for five minutes? If I can, to do just five minutes. Or one minute. Whatever I can do, to do it. I told her that I struggle with that in two ways, 1) not thinking it’s enough and 2) feeling like I was tricking myself into doing more even though I said just five minutes. And then she told me something, that was a huge “a’ha!” moment for me… It’s not about the five minutes of exercise for the sake of getting in exercise. It’s the act of doing something when I didn’t want to. She assured me that after doing this several times, I would build up confidence and the habit of doing things when I didn’t want to. And then I got it. I struggle with lasting changes because I never get to the point of them becoming a habit. I feel like I have to go big or go home, and when I can’t give 100% I don’t try at all. She said that when I go out and run-jog-walk for an hour, I’m setting myself up to come up with a thousand excuses on days when I can’t wrap my head around an hour spent exercising. That mentally, if I can’t do my best everyday, that I can’t do it at all, and it sets me back and I feel like a failure. I want a weight loss goal again. I want to delve into the mode and make it happen. I’ve been coasting along with eating well enough, and exercising when I feel like it, but it’s not getting me anywhere, because I don’t have a goal. I do believe that weight loss is a result and not a goal, but having some numbers to reach for is motivating. 50 pounds, would put me at the lowest weight this blog has ever seen. It will mean smaller clothes and more mobility. It also means getting our photos taken professionally again. I told Josh I’d like to have our pictures taken every 50 pounds that I lose. I’m getting to a place where it’s now or never. I refuse to enter my 30′s as an obese woman. I just cannot do that. I deserve more. My plan of action is to count calories using MyFitnessPal, Lorriebee and restarting the Insanity program (with days of zumba, strength and running outside when it’s nice). As always I will use this blog to track my progress through photos, what I’m eating, daily thoughts and struggles and celebrations.

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Minus 50 to 29

Dole Health Summit: Part Two: Real Fruit Bites and More

admin — Fri, 11 Nov 2011 08:30:03 +0000

Lunch at Dole: whipped ginger sweet potatoes, salmon with fresh tomatoes, vegetables lasagna, roasted squash, salad and chocolate covered pineapple One thing that stood out to me during the Dole Health Summit was how proud the employees are of their health and habits. Before I went to the Dole Health Summit I kind of expected that there would be fresh produce available, but I was not expecting it to be so delicious and thoughtfully prepared. Throughout my life I’ve believed that health food and good food were on two different teams. It never occured to me that they could be one in the same. When I thought of health food, I thought of “diet food” and to me it was boring, raw, cold, and uninteresting. I grew up in the 90′s where people were told not to eat fat, so I doused my iceburg lettuce in fat-free ranch dressing. We were told to eat cottage cheese, fat-free frozen yogurt, diet soda, and celery sticks to be healthy. Onyx Restaurant at Four Seasons: ginger salad with miso soup If I’m being totally honest, the concept of healthy can equal delicious is new to me. I use the term healthy loosely, because it seems that we all, scientists included, have our own idea of what healthy eating looks like. But Dole managed to merge the two worlds effortlessly. You’d never know that health food wasn’t delicious and you’d never feel deprived or cheated eating this way. Good, delicious, thoughtful and interesting food. I want more of that in my life, the merging of healthy and delicious foods. Onyx: risotto with mushrooms I realize that this may sound strange to those reading who already “get” it, but for me, it’s been a very long journey to this point. You see, it wasn’t until my mid-20′s that I had fresh blueberries, cherries, salmon, black beans, avocados, asparagus, dark leafy greens, or roasted vegetables. Blueberries were made into muffins. Cherries came from a jar in syrup. Salmon was from a can. Beans were brown or green and swimming with bacon. And vegetables were cooked in the microwave. Dinner at Onyx, Four Seasons Hotel I’ve since taught myself to enjoy interesting and new flavors. I prefer tea and coffee unsweetened. I rarely drink soda or diet soda. I’m not afraid to try new foods. I want to continue challenging my to change my definition of what good food is. Good food can be a local burger or butternut squash roasted to perfection with garlic, olive oil and chili powder. It can be coconut curry with chicken and vegetables. Good food, or delicious food, doesn’t have to be saturated in fat, salt or sugar to taste good. And I say these things as a reminder for myself, because I sometimes forget how good fruit and vegetables can be. basil mango sorbet with dark chocolate and mint Even the Dole employee cafeteria offered a healthy array of food choices. We had the opportunity to eat breakfast there our first morning. You could choose from whole wheat pancakes, to breakfast burritos with made-to-order omelets, homemade salsa, and avacado, or lox with cream cheese, bran muffins or fresh fruit. In the Dole test kitchen we had the opportunity to try out new products and old favorites. For me, you can’t go wrong with frozen banana soft serve. Oh the miracles of the internet for bringing this amazing concoction into our lives. We tried the salad kits which were filled with things like dried cherries, blue cheese and nuts. Not to mention the Real Fruit Bites. I really enjoyed these a lot (maybe too much!). I liked that you could taste the oatmeal in them. Apple was my favorite, and pineapple takes second. Josh really liked these too and I was sad to find out he raided my goodie bag and ate most of my packets. Next was a new product that I haven’t seen yet… Dole Shakers. Basically they are frozen fruit and yogurt, similar to dippin’ dots. You add fruit juice to them and shake for an on-the-go smoothie. I really liked the taste of these and enjoyed the thick texture. Some of the other bloggers noted that they took on the flavor of whatever juice you use, I didn’t mind that though. I thought they were refreshing and could imagine using these in a pinch or while traveling. I also think they might be good with unsweetened vanilla almond milk to cut down the sugar. What are you favorite healthy, yet delicious recipes? Click Here to read Dole Health Summit: Part One

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Dole Health Summit: Part Two: Real Fruit Bites and More